Reminiscing #2: Struggle and Resolve

During my first days with the clan and on Second Life in general, I struggled to find my place. A sense of belonging. I was still angry about the situation and leaving my friends on WoW. Rikk told me to hang out on the lands, get to know people. Two of the royals added me- Jimmy and Candi. Baron Christophe had guided Rikk through my turning. Now unbeknowst to me there was a huge drama in the clan during that time. They turned off clan chat completely so I was never announced or welcomed to the family. Had I been maybe things might have been different. But that was my experience so far. So I tried. I would sit near a tree on the clan lands hoping someone would beckon me over. Never happened. I slowly crept toward the landing area where most people gathered. Nope. Nothing. Finally, one night I sat for three hours saying hello to each and every person that came by. They were engaged in their own conversations on voice chat. I never felt so alone. I questioned myself as to why it was so damn important that I try to make friends with these people that didn't give a shit about this noob. Finally in my frustration I logged out crying. Pathetic, I know. The next day I left the group, left the clan and set out on my own to find other people who might have something in common with me.

I knew I wanted to be with my husband and share his interest. It's what we have always done. I set out to find something else to do on Second Life. I did a search for "pagan" and came across a lovely quiet sim where I felt at peace. I would wander the grounds, using the meditation poseballs, and think. It was always empty though. Alone again.

Rikk tried to help me and introduced me to MM boards. I joined a few MM groups and would spend my days tapping boards. I took pleasure in getting some freebies and trying to improve my avatar. In my search for freebies I found another nice sim I liked. Mermaids and pirates. Hey! I liked that idea. No one was ever around to ask about joining a group or roleplay. I explored and used the dance balls underwater. I found the gypsy camp. I loved that! But with no one around, how lonely I was.

It was fall and the sims were changing. Decorated with leaves, pumpkins, and the like. One day I found myself at Sacred Cauldron. Another lovely, peaceful sim. I changed into a autumn fairy outfit I had won on an MM board and began taking snapshots. My dear friend, Teresa, from Runescape would love it here! Maybe if I send the photos to her email she would want to join and play with me. I got in touch with her to see how she was doing, etc. She was too busy with school to play so I never bothered sending them. Rikk was hoping I would find something that caught my interest or made me happy. I asked him about being a pirate but he was only mildly interested. "Please leave those damn vampires! They are dark and evil and against everything I stand for!" I thought to myself.

Finally, I resolved I would never see him. If I were to ever be with him it would have to be with those dreaded, damn dark vamps. Candi added me back to the group after I asked begrudgingly. On the clan lands I sat at the fire pit, alone again. Then one day a new girl showed up and I changed. I didn't want her to be ignored either. Nor anyone else that came along. I made it my goal to make sure each and every person felt welcome there. Whether they ignored me or not. It was a new beginning for me.